Tis’ the season for all of us to start really worrying if we’re getting a gift or a lump of freaking coal from the fat, red wearing, jolly guy. Now, if you’ve have been playing or plan on getting it before Christmas there are things that you shouldn’t do in THQ’s Saint’s Row: The Third.
1) Beating anyone with the Penetrator Dildo Bat: Getting beat up is humiliating enough but, I don’t know anything more embarrassing than being beaten with a instrument of pleasure that may or may not be slightly used.
2) Committing insurance fraud: Throwing yourself from a moving vehicle in to an unsuspecting motorists own vehicle is crazy. But when it’s done in order to wring money from theirs and their insurance companies pockets it’s just plain naughty.
3) Using the Kid and Play dance taunt at anytime: Im pretty sure Santa isn’t a fan of horrid cinema. The Kid and Play dance brings to mind those horrid House Party movies. So, using it should get St. Nick riled up enough to put you on his bad side.
4) Shooting chum on your enemies to attract sewer sharks: Yes, that’s right you can summon Jaws’ poorer less famous cousin Lester the Sewer Shark by blasting chum all over your unfortunate enemies. Sit around awhile and a pungent great white will pop out of the ground and snatch up the opposition like Samuel L. Jackson in Deep Blue Sea (YouTube it it’s one of his best death scenes ever). Plus using animals to kill is a little more than unethical.
5) Being a member of the Third Street Saints: I mean theses guys have taken their violent street gang activities and marketed their brand to children making them look up to them. They’ve got movies, lunchboxes, clothing stores, etc. They’re worse than tobacco companies using Joe Camel to get youth puffing away. Don’t think The Jolly One will want to put a new automatic rifle in little Johnny’s stocking this Christmas.